When a couple is engaging in BDSM acts the key to success is communicating with each other. This is the most important thing that they need to learn. Not only can it be used to command sexual pleasure it can tell a person if they are going too far and need to back off a little. The couple can communicate how they like to be pleased and what they want. If their partner is not doing something right they should be able to tell them. They should be able to say if a person is going too fast or too slow. Some people like quick stroking while others like to take their time and enjoy the act. Some like it rough and enjoy being pounded and they
need to communicate this. They should also communicate if their pleasure is going to straight pain. Some acts can be pleasurable but if the partner is being too rough they can be painful quickly. If a person is being spanked too hard and are no longer enjoying it they need to be able to communicate their to their partner. There should be one person is charge as the leader. This is usually the person that is going to assume the dominate role. They will be the one doing the spanking, tying up, and other sexual acts. The other person should follow along with what they are doing and pay attention to how they both move. This will be the submissive person and they will usually do what they are told. When the submissive person is in pain they should still be able to express this to the dominate one. Handcuffs, bondage, and other acts should not be spur of the moment. Some of this information needs to be discussed before the play begins. There should always be what is considered to be a safe word. Common safe words are yellow or limit. This will allow a partner to know to slow down or stop what they are doing because their parent is not enjoying it or is almost in distress. Just about every couple that engages in this sex has an agreed upon safe word to tell their partner to stop. If a person ignore the safe word and their partner is injured they can get into some legal trouble. A safe word is used to make the pain stop. In addition to safe words wait signals are used. They are often used in combination with the safe for. For example a person can move their toes or make a fist if they are becoming uncomfortable. The partner will recognize the symbol and they will stop and give their partner the time they need before continuing. This symbol should not be ignored either and decided upon before the sex beings. Both partners have to be aware of the symbols and should know if it is being used within a matter of seconds. A couple should check out each other often as well. They need to make sure they are stilling having fun and are not in any type of discomfort or pain. This will not kill the mood in any way. It will make sure that both people are okay and they are enjoying themselves. This will allow the sex to continue. If someone is not enjoying the play or they are in pain they will not want to continue to have sex.